Biggest sin

Many of you have asked about the "biggest sin" I committed that I referenced in an earlier blog entry.  This is the scene of the crime:

This is a section of a very long wall of murals in King Hussein Park.  The murals are a timeline of the country.  As you can imagine it is a VERY long wall.  What you're looking at here is the very end of it (which is where we started).  As I continued to make my way down the wall, I came across this plaque:

Next to the plaque was a door.  I tested the knob and it was unlocked.  So I walked in.  I thought of it as a replica.  I've been to Silver Dollar City.  Replicas are meant to be explored.  Same rules don't apply in Jordan though.  As soon as I walked out of the closet-sized mosque, the Jordanian leader of our group told me I committed the biggest sin.  I immediately knew she was telling me I should have covered my head.

I asked her what I should do.  She told me to ask Allah for forgiveness.  Uhhhhhhh.  I'm not Muslim.  Now I happen to believe God is God no matter what we call it, but I wasn't sure how most Muslims felt about that.  I didn't want to commit another sin before I even got forgiven for this one.

At that point, I felt very ostracized by our leader and the rest of the group.  I'm sure it was mostly in my mind since most of our group didn't even know about my cultural mishap.  It still didn't feel good.

I ended up asking Rasha (the Jordanian graduate student who worked for CIEE) to ask Allah to forgive me.  She assured me that what I did wasn't a big deal.  Allah bless her.

What did I learn?  I shouldn't use American tourist rules in another country.  Just because the door is unlocked, I should just walk in it.

What I learned today...

Our speakers today.  Rula is standing.

I posted some photos earlier but haven’t had much of a chance to share what I’m learning about the women’s movement in Jordan.  My knowledge is still minimum, but I hope to grow it over the next couple of days.  I imagine I’ll be processing this for years to come.  I am so struck with the parallel to U.S. women’s movements that I can’t shake it.  All of the struggles I heard about today have been and are currently mirrored in the U.S.  I wonder if this is true for other parts of the world as well.

Rula Quawas, a Jordanian professor and women’s activist, said that very little critical thinking happens in her classroom and in the greater society because independent thinking is discouraged.  She said that decisions are made by family patriarchs (and business owners) who make decisions based upon religion and their interpretations of the Holy Word.  I have faced the same issues when discussing feminism in the U.S.  It’s a bit more extreme here because it is much more collectivist here than in the U.S.  A woman must put her family and tribe first.  I’ve been told there is no Arabic word for I.  I’m not sure if the person who told me that was being literal or not.

Rula believes it is important to educate men (including religious leaders) about the oppression of women but said it’s tough because many of them see it as Western thought and a way to deculturalize the Middle East.  She mentioned honor killings and how women who stand up against such things are seen as loose and not religious.  (Same tactic used against feminist in the U.S.—except they’re usually called lesbians and man haters).  She also mentioned that there is apathy amongst Jordanian women and that women often don’t see that they’re being discriminated against.  That is a HUGE challenge for the women’s movement in Jordan.  Women have to have their awareness raised first.  Then activism. 

Many of the Jordanian women on the streets look sad and beaten down to me.  They are seen as “daughter of ______”, then “wife of __________”, then “mother of son’s name.“  They are not seen as individuals.  I see men out gathering together in town and having a few laughs but I’ve seen very few women together.  I’ve yet to see any laughing.  This made me think of Friedan’s concept of the “problem with no name.”  In fact, I asked if there was a common book (without mentioning Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique”) women gather around in Jordan to discuss women’s issues.  The answer was no.

Another seminar attendee mentioned that feminist in the U.S. learned from the Black Civil Rights Movement.  Jordanians have not really had a similar experience from which to learn.  I hope that maybe they can look to the U.S. for ideas on how to advance, but I feel very ethnocentric (and not very 4^th Wave) for saying that.

An aside:  I cannot begin to tell you about all of my ethnocentric moments in the last day. People ask me where I’m from, I say “America.”  They say, “Which one?” I tried to shake an elderly Iraqi gentleman’s hand.  He looked at me like I was crazy, but he shook it.  I also don’t know one word of Arabic and just get into every cab like the driver should know English.  I’ve had a couple of them say to me, “Speak Arabic.”  I’ll say, “Do you speak English?”  They respond, “Do you speak Arabic?”  I’ve taken to looking for small boys and speaking to them to get directions, etc.  They always speak great English, but the family patriarch wants me to speak to him, not his boys.  The little boys also know their U.S. geography.  They know Oklahoma is in the middle. 

The laws regarding Jordanian women are pretty good, but there is a problem putting laws into action.  One of the speakers said:  “Women’s conditions are changing but not their status.”

A major critique that one of our speakers had about the women’s movement in Jordan is that the research and activism is done my NGOs.  She said that they are a part of the system that oppresses women.  I’m guessing the NGOs are partially or fully funded by the government?  She also stated that these organizations have taken on a patriarchal structure.  The speaker who talked about this was very critical of the advances of women in Jordan.  She feels like much more can be done.  This is the same type of criticism we hear from feminist activists in the U.S.  In fact, this criticism sparked every wave of feminism in the U.S. (and much of the fragmentation of the movement as well).

By the way, I think our speakers are too hard on themselves.  The feminist activists have made great strides in the last 40 short years.  She says a lot more can be done and looks to Morocco and Tunisia for how that can be done.

Rula mentioned in regards to gender equality activism:  “The price is heavy.  It takes a toll on you.”  She said a Jordanian is always presented with the false dichotomy of being a feminist OR a nationalist.  A person cannot be both.  You’re either with us or against us.  I’ve also heard this discourse in the U.S.

I’ve had a few chances to interact with Jordanian women who work in shops, but I haven’t seen one girl yet.  It’s probably best for their dads if they keep those girls looked up while I’m here.  Today we asked one of our cab drivers if his wife wears traditional dress, including the head covering.  He said, “Of course!” and without skipping a beat, he very proudly said, “My daughters do too!”  His daughters are 14 and 15 years old.

The people of Amman have been very kind and hospitable.   It’s hard for me to wrap my head around why they don’t treat their women better, but that’s a very ethnocentric approach.  They think that doing what the Holy Word says is what’s best for their families.  Women sacrifice in a collectivist culture.  Family and tribe first.  There is no I.  Hmmm.  There is no I in team, but there is in famIly and trIbe.  Have I just found the new slogan for the Women’s Jordanian Movement?